meatthebigcheese
Now Playing · Baltimore
meatthebigcheese Part philosopher. Part comedian. All cheese. He's been aging for the spotlight his entire life — and Dilly brought the tray.
Now Playing · Center Stage
The world's first
stand-up cheese.
Part philosopher. Part comedian. All cheese. He's been aging for the spotlight his entire life — and Dilly brought the tray.
One WedgeOne PickleZero Chill
— The Spread
Straight from the tray.
Cheese, jerky, bologna, pickles, olives. Aged Amish-style on 1,000+ acres of Lancaster, PA farmland.
— Act I
The Opening Monologues.
Four characters. Four sets. One stage. Original stand-up — performed by snacks.
Now Playing· 1:16
Headliner · The Wedge · Baltimore
The Big Cheese
"He didn't choose the spotlight. It chose him."
I've been aging 47 years. Forty. Seven. Years. In a cellar. With a mouse named CARL who never laughed at ONE joke.
You know what cures sharpness? Pressure. You know what cures pressure? Me. I AM the pressure.
They put me on a board with crackers, grapes, and a piece of meat that thinks he's smooth. I'm the only one with TENURE.
— The Cast
Full skits drop monthly · The Cellar Sessions
— Act II
The cast. The crew.
The collateral damage.
Every legend needs an ensemble. Some lift him up. Some bring tomatoes.
Sammy Swiss
Road Manager · The Voice of the ShowRoad manager for the crew. Announces the cast, warms up the crowd, and makes sure the wedge hits the stage on time. Tap the portrait to see Sammy go full Big Cheese.
The Big Cheese
Headliner · BaltimoreProfessional exaggerator from Baltimore. Believes he's the most important dairy product in the history of fermentation.
Dilly
Reluctant Sidekick · PhillyDilly from Philly. Keeps Big Cheese humble. Fails constantly. Still shows up. Sweats under pressure. Loved anyway.
The Jerk
The Smooth Operator · JerseyJerk from Jersey. Leather jacket. Slicked-back hair. Cured to perfection. Shows up when the room needs an edge — and a punchline with teeth.
— Act III
The Comedy Vault.
Curtain call at the Vault. Every monologue, skit, and unsolicited opinion — catalogued, aged, available for streaming.
— Intermission
Big Cheese Wisdom.
Forty-seven years of aging produces certain… convictions.
Everybody thinks they're important. I KNOW I am.
I don't get no respect. From the crackers. From the wine. Nothing.
You age 47 years in a cellar, you come out with OPINIONS.
Dilly, you're a pickle. Of COURSE you're nervous. Look at yourself.
— The Pro Shop
Course apparel.
Clubhouse goods.
Course-to-club apparel, glassware and boards — all branded with the cast. Small drops. Made once. Made well.
Pocket TeeThe Dilly Pocket Tee
$42
Garment-dyed natural cotton, vintage pickle mascot screen print. Lancaster County.
Pocket TeeThe Big Cheese Pocket Tee
$42
Garment-dyed natural cotton, retro wedge-and-mic mascot. Baltimore on the bottom.
Pocket TeeJohnny Jerky Pocket Tee
$42
Garment-dyed natural cotton, distressed maroon mascot in a leather jacket. Jersey.
Pocket TeeSammy Swiss Pocket Tee
$42
Garment-dyed natural cotton, navy mascot with clipboard and mic. Road Manager.
Course-readyThe Big Cheese Polo
$78
Cream pique with chest-print wedge-and-mic mascot. Same logo, polo cut.
Six-panelJohnny Jerky Trucker
$36
Black crown, tobacco mesh, embroidered patch. Curved brim, snap back.
ClubhouseMBTC Quarter-Zip
$98
Brushed forest fleece, cream collar, gold-thread crest. Built for tee times in October.
TabletopEngraved Walnut Board
$110
Solid walnut, laser-engraved house crest. Big enough for the whole spread.
BarRocks Glasses · Set of 2
$48
Heavy-bottom crystal, etched logo. For bourbon, brown butter, or anything aged.
Limited runs · Numbered · Ships from Lancaster, PA
— Encore
Join the Cheese Club.
New monologues. Backstage drops. Dilly's increasingly unhinged voice notes. Delivered straight to your inbox like a cheese plate.
No spam. Just cheese.